Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Foot in Mouth Disease

Rereading my last entry, I wonder if perhaps this was another example of me personifying the Sagittarian tendency to put one's foot in one's mouth.

I just want to clarify my meaning, as I was writing after a long, intense day of parenting (no naps and a scary fall on the playground) and an exciting, unusual night of Manhattan and theater rehearsals.

I honor and respect the decision to NOT have children. Our world is over-populated, and the last thing we need are people who procreate or adopt for the wrong reasons. If someone does not want to be a parent, it is a great thing for them to refrain from doing so. (Although therapists may disagree, since this might cut down on their future patient pool.)

And when I spoke of friendships not being able to survive, I realize it's not just a debate between does that person have kids or doesn't she. It's more about how they view kids in general and specifically, do they see my kid as an individual or do they lump her into a category?

For example, many of my friends do not have kids for various reasons, but they love kids and are amazing with Stella. These friendships will survive and thrive, despite my shift, because those friends understand the new me and know that loving my kid is the way to my heart.

But there is a new breed of childless folk, especially here in New York. Folks who not only choose not to have kids, but also seem, for lack of a better word, offended by their general presence. I used to find such people vaguely amusing. But now, since my kid is viewed as one of the "rugrats," I can't see eye to eye with them any more.

Does this clarify? Perhaps this is even more confusing, as I'm writing this in my PJ's on a day before scrambling to get to work.

Perhaps I should always take my mother's advice and stop digging my hole the minute I realize I've dug one.

Whatever. It's my blog and I'll shove my foot in my mouth if I want to.

1 comment:

Kellygirlnyc said...

Is that a Sagittarian tendency? I'm a Taurus and I tend to do that a bit, too. I think your original meaning was very clear in your first post, but you did make it so that there was no mistaking it in this post (I would do the same thing. I hate being misunderstood. It's my nemesis).

It's funny, but working so closely with kids in all my jobs you can really see a clear designation with people about how they feel about them, especially, I think, as you point out, here in NYC.

It's funny, too, though, to me, the people that come to one of my jobs and seem surprised and disappointed that there are children there. I'm like, hello? Don't you know where you are?? Weird.

In any case, I have to say personally, not having children yet, but thinking they're awesome still feels like there's a level of separation between me and my friends with children. I felt the same thing about married friends before I was married. I realize that having a child takes so much time and energy that you can't do the stuff you used to do, but as someone who doesn't have that yet, sometimes I feel a little selfish thinking, wow, I can't ever get ahold of this person anymore or I wish I could hang out with them more (I'm not speaking about you personally, though I do wish I could visit the Serchuk/Skaggs family sooner than later...I think just being in New York makes THAT hard. :) ). I understand it completely and completely support it, it's just a case of becoming a family and working hard to make that happen, which leaves little time for other things.

That said, I can't wait to be a mom. I'll gladly spend time with my family no matter what and I get excited about my friends that are doing the same thing and are awesome at it.

:) Break legs tonight. Sorry I had such a show fail.