Tuesday, December 23, 2008

From This Moment Forward...

The Brooklyn Baby Family

Opening her first Chanukah gift

Feeding herself, of course!

Irritated at us invading her privacy!

Perfection, pure and simply!

If you know me at all, you know that beneath this Magic Shell exterior of off-color jokes and snide remarks lies a super-gooey, cheesy center of schmaltziness. Wow. I just invented a food that involves chicken fat, cheese and chocolate magic shell. Sounds like something Elvis would have eaten.
So, I'm posting this letter I wrote to Stella. It is so sincere and sweet that you might get diagnosed with diabetes after reading it, but hopefully it's worth that.
Enjoy, and try not to make fun of me too much!
Dearest Stella,
As this year draws to a close, I find myself really thinking about our relationship and how incredibly lucky I am to have you in my life. I've tried really hard to be a good mom to you, and it hasn't always been easy. There's been little sleep, little time for myself, and lots of tears. 98% of the time, I'm proud of the job I do, but 2% of the time, I lose my patience and get really grumpy. I've always told myself that my irritated tone of voice, my bickering with your father, my rolling eyes weren't great, but at least you won't remember it, and I will reform these ways before you can.
But then, last night, as I was giving you your bath, I saw you wriggle away when I went to wash your armpit, and I swear I remember feeling uncomfortable when my own armpit was washed. I have no idea how old I was, but I couldn't have been very old. They say you don't really develop your memory until age 3 or so, but I swear I'm remember more and more things from very early ages.
And then I realized that it doesn't matter whether or not your remember it, it's important to be the person I want to be in a year right now, right this moment. So, for 2009 and beyond, here is what I pledge:
From this moment forward, I will be the mom you deserve, not the best mom I can be, or better than some other mommies out there, or as good as the mommies I read about in the magazines. You deserve a whole other echelon of goodness from your mommy, and that is what I'll be.
From this moment forward, I'll try to imagine being you, try to figure out why you're cross or unhappy, try to figure out what would make you feel safe or secure, try to provide for your needs before you even know you need them.
From this moment forward, I'll also try to take care of myself as best I can so I don't get to a point of desperation where I feel resentful for taking care of you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'll go for more walks, take a night off here and there (because your father is amazing at taking care of you, anyway, and you adore him), take a shower each morning, eat well and exercise. You deserve a mommy who feels good about herself.
From this moment forward, I will focus on the forest, not all the little trees that stand in its way. Life will continue to throw challenges my way, but as long as I focus on how truly blessed I am to have such an incredible husband and such an amazing daughter, I can defeat anything!
From this moment forward, I will revel in your love every moment of the day. Through poopy diapers, constant teething, the 5th nursing session in the middle of the night, the fit thrown when I try to put your hat on, the 3rd day in a row we must stay in due to inclement weather, I will thank my lucky stars to have you in my life.
And from this moment forward, when we have a good week, a good day, a good hour, I will relish it like no other and expect nothing else. I will live in the moment with you. There is no better place to be.
Your mommy,


Tiffanie said...

amen, sister.
we have a quote posted that says, "Now is the time to live your ideal life," by Phil Cousineau. that is so hard, but especially magnified when you're shaping and exampling for a new human. !!
and i added a new one beside the fridge for when i'd rather eat another cookie instead of take my supplements ~ "a healthy mommy is a happy mommy". (and you know what they say about momma's happiness. . )
happy holidays. : )

Tiffanie said...

my friends have known for years of my cheesy schmaltziness, so i will go ahead and admit that your post made me cry. better check my blood sugar. ; )

Martin said...

Oh. Weeping into my coffee, BBM. Weeping into my coffee.

David Serchuk said...

Bravo BBM! Stella is lucky to have you for a mom, and I am a lucky hubby! Great post!


Holly said...

What a beautiful post, Randi! May you have a new year filled to the brim with small (and big) pleasures with your adorable daughter and loving husband!